Wednesday, September 28, 2005
6:59 PM

Blogging Kills.

When I heard the news about the 5 JC girls who got suspended for insulting their teachers in their blog last night, I nearly dropped my dog which I was petting on my lap onto the floor. I wanted to blog a whole entry full of hokkien vulgarities but I stopped myself from doing so when I remembered two things.

1. The only two hokkien words I know are “gam xia” and “cheebye”.


2. Later I get suspended, sued and thrown into the boy’s home and when I’m old enough I get transferred to the jail and I get caned 20 good strokes before being hung/ electrocuted/ turn gay in jail, because I scold my Chinese teacher a female dog and many other things I really shouldn’t say so for obvious reasons.

I just absolutely cannot understand what the BIG fuck is with this Sedition Act that obviously everyone has been in one way or another guilty as charged. Please don’t tell me you’ve never made racist jokes because I have heard from too many people, too many versions, too many times of the never-ending Indian jokes ever since Primary Three.

I remember the first one I heard during Primary Three and I somehow found it so fucking amusing that I laughed so hard and stupid me couldn’t go wait and tell me Indian ex best friend.

What is the process of Indians shitting?
Cloning.

I mean, its been 7 years since I’ve heard the joke and I still find it fucking funny and if you don’t you either have no sense of humour or you are obviously an Indian.

Doesn’t the term “Joke” stands for anything at all? It’s a motherfucking joke, for goodness sake. You can crack jokes about us Chinese and I wouldn’t give two shits. You’re supposed to appreciate the humour of it, not tear it apart and examine every dirt and grease on each alphabet to make sure there’s nothing offensive to your motherfucking race or religion.

I’ve always believed that serious people are virgins. After all these incidents, I’ve changed my opinions of them. Serious people are dirty, lousy, self-conscious, big-headed, selfish virgins by circumstances. After all, who wants to have hot, wild sex with someone who can’t shut up and get fucked without getting up every 5 seconds to check if she’s pregnant already.

Its these serious people who simply refuse to see things in any other way except their own, bull-headed way. In short, stubborn son of a bitches.

(I swear by the end of this article I’m probably going to get sued millions.)

It is A FACT most muslims shun dogs like their lives depend on it. Some even hurl vulgarities at the dog when the dog gets close to them. Fuck you lah, this irritates the FUCK out of dog owners, and why shouldn’t dog owners be allowed to bitch about the Muslims just like how some Muslims bitch about our dogs. Fuck lah, the dengue mosquito can give you dengue fever, why don’t I see Muslims cursing or going all “EEEE” and fragile when they see mosquitoes.

Its just like how ¾ of the population in Singapore wants to burn down City Harvest or how local jokes book talk about nuns and monks having sex.

Its all on a same, basic concept, but some people just have to think that the whole world’s against them and once they spot the slightest racist comment that’s against them they go all CSI on the source, and *sob* want some justice done once and for all!

But it won’t end there, because that’s human nature. How many people have been flamed by bloggers and all they can do is come up with useless rebuttal. Now that everyone knows they have the upper hand against us, it seems like they’re all trying to get back at us for saying they’re fat, gay, or some unwanted old slut.

Before you know it, the fat ass you called a tub of homosexual lard will be allowed to unload his Bazookas into your face once sighted.


Fuck, that’s a nasty thought.

I am a little coward, and when it comes to the authority I admit I have no balls. Therefore, I shall take back whatever I said about my Chinese teacher.

Mdm Fong, sorry for once calling you an animal, appalling, awful, bad-looking, beast, deformed, disfigured, dog, dogface, foul, frightful, grisly, gross, grotesque, grungy, haglike, hard-featured, hideous, homely, horrid, ill-favored, loathsome, misshapen, monstrous, pig, plain, plug, repelling, repugnant, repulsive, revolting, unbeautiful, uncomely, uninviting, unlovely, unprepossessing, unseemly, unsightly, bad-tempered, bearish, bitchy, captious, choleric, contrary, cranky, critical, cross, crotchety, crusty, difficult, disagreeable, dour, grouchy, grumpy, huffy, ill-humored, ill-natured, irascible, irritable, morose, obstinate, ornery, peevish, perverse, petulant, prickly, quarrelsome, snappish, sour, stuffy, testy, vinegarish, vinegary, wrinkly, backbiting, evil, hateful, ill-natured, malevolent, mean, nasty, rancorous, spiteful, venomous, vicious, wicked, B-girl, bag, bawd, bimbo, blower, broad, call girl, camp follower, cat, chicken, chippie, concubine, courtesan, fallen woman, floozy, harlot, hooker, hostess, hustler, loose woman, midnight cowboy, model, moll, nymphomaniac, painted woman, party girl, pickup, pink pants, pro, scarlet woman, slut, streetwalker, strumpet, tart, tomato, tramp, trollop, white slave, whore, working girl, brainless, dazed, deficient, dense, dim, dodo, doltish, dopy, dotterel, dull, dumb, dummy, foolish, futile, gullible, half-baked, half-witted, idiotic, ill-advised, imbecilic, inane, indiscreet, insensate, irrelevant, irresponsible, laughable, loser, ludicrous, meaningless, mindless, moronic, naive, nonsensical, obtuse, pointless, puerile, rash, senseless, short-sighted, simple, simple-minded, slow, sluggish, stolid, stupefied, thick, thickheaded, trivial, unintelligent, unthinking, witless, hairy armpits, most disgusting piece of vile lard.

Yes, my dear teacher, I take it all back.

I also take back what I said about The Straits Time “IN” section for misleading children about thinking they’re really in and cool to read the newspaper and also the part about what a fucking ugly t-shirt you all have for a free gift and its so ugly such that someone sang Tong Hua during my school’s teacher’s day wearing that exact mofo shirt.

Really, I take all that back. Whoever I’ve bitched about, I take it all back. You all are obviously very nice people deep below that layer of sluttish, whore-like fats. To prove my sincerity, the next time I see you all in school I won’t go “Yucks, ugly whore!” too loud.

See, I can change if I really want to. Now you all have no fucking reasons to sue me, throw me in jail or suspend me from school. You see, I’ve repented.




**




Now that I’ve settled all the past misunderstandings, I shall blog about everything HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY today! Apparently blogging about unhappy stuff might get me a seat at the detention area because teachers nowadays have nothing better to do than to breed dengue mosquitoes and read the student’s blog to see if they’re mentioned.

Today, I saw many pretty blue birds, a rainbow, and a very nice flower!



They were all so very happy! So was I! B..b..b..bb..but one of the bird suddenly said the *GASPS* forbidden “F” word! I was so shocked, wasn’t he afraid of the oh-so-powerful government, or the oh-so-kaypoh-I-live-to-complain passers-by who might complain about him?! ISN’T HE AFRAID OF GETTING SUED?



Seems like the bird’s vulgarness disturbed the happy flower! The happy flower decided to do something about it!



Yay, the happy flower is happy, so everyone has to be so very happy too! In fact, none of the birds said a word about the ugly rainbow! They all lived happily with the flower ever after. The End.



Now, wasn’t that sweet. Everyone was so happy today, it has to be the increasing amounts of bloggers getting into deep shit! It certainly makes the community SO much more of a safe and exciting place to live in. Everyone’s all happy happy happy!

I’m very very happy, really. In fact now with the new rule, I’m blogging so much better! Don’t you all like my new sTyLEzXzXz? Yay!

Goodnight, teehee.

Whisky in a teacup.
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